How do you define a ‘gentleman’?
We recently returned from our one-month cruise up the coast of Brazil and into the Amazon. I wrote and published a daily travel blog, which often described the triumphs and foibles we observed in our fellow passengers and ourselves.
I failed to write about one of our more thought-provoking experiences.
Ed and I sat at our table for two in The Restaurant, the ship’s most formal dinner venue. The silverware, placed in exactly the correct order before us, glistened against the starched white tablecloth. I felt underdressed in my smart casual black slacks.
A waiter escorted a couple to the table to our left. The lady, concealing a somewhat heavy waist under an elegant gown, was about to be seated.
“Oh no, you must sit here,” her partner said in a thick French accent. “The view is much better from here.” He motioned for her to come around the table to take his seat.
I smiled at her and said, “What a gentleman.” I didn’t know them. We’d never met either one, but I always enjoy seeing partners treat each other kindly.
“Sorry to show you up,” the Frenchman said to Ed (who hadn’t offered me the seat with supposedly the best view of the room) as he passed our table, curling his lips into a scornful smile.
Ed and I let it pass. We clinked our wine glasses with our usual “I love you,” and continued with our dinner.
But then the couple became impossible to ignore.
“Why do you always do this?” The Frenchman’s voice was low and sharp. “You overeat and then you starve yourself when we get home.” His lady continued savoring her foie gras terrine without looking up.
He persisted in this vein, while she picked at her food, and Ed and I tried to look the other way.
Finally, he hissed, “Quelle horreur. But it’s your body… it’s your fat. Do as you like.” They ate the rest of their meal in complete silence, staring out across the restaurant as though the other was not present.
By then Ed and I had lost our appetite. We left the table without finishing our perfectly prepared salmon.
That night in our stateroom, as we closed the door behind us, I held my husband in my arms and whispered, “Thank you for being my ‘gentle man’.”
As a woman, what if anything, do you expect from your man as a sign of gentlemanly respect?
As a man, what do you provide for the most important woman in your life as a sign of gentlemanly respect?
As a man in my middle 70s I have learned that the meaning of gentlemanly behavior toward a woman has changed greatly over time. Am I to open the door for woman as I would’ve in decades past or is that an insulting indication that I think she’s not capable of doing it herself? Do I rise from a seated position when being introduced to a woman or should I remain seated as she probably would if she were being introduced to me? etc. etc.
I find it easy to say that I support the equal rights of women. Sometimes however I simply am not sure what this implies about appropriate behavior from me as gentleman (or as a gentle man).
Do others of you sometimes find these issues a bit confusing? While hopefully we can easily determine and provide what those closest to us desire, how do you go about determining what gentlemanly behaviors are appropriate in circumstances you are less familiar with? Do you have any examples you can share?
This is absolutely correct. And I would never spend my life with someone who treated me any different than your Ed treats you. We are lucky women indeed.
Yes we are! And we’ve both experienced otherwise.
I’m still learning from you, as I’m trying to achieve my goals. I certainly love reading all that is posted on your site.Keep the stories coming. I loved it!
Thanks for your note! I’d love to connect with you.