Did you know that your heart has four faces? Each sees the world in a different way and points you in a different direction, like the four needles of a compass. But each one belongs to your heart. They are known as the Brahmaviharas:
- Loving-kindness
- Compassion
- Appreciative joy
- Equanimity
The image of the four faces of our heart reflects the four faces of the mythological god Brahma, one for each of the four kinds of unselfish love championed in Buddhism.
The Brahmaviharas are not just emotions that come and go. They are states of being that we develop as we become increasingly mindful. Cultivating the four faces of our heart will help us resolve conflicts, promote healing and create social harmony.
In their simplest forms, the four faces reflect how we approach ordinary, everyday situations in our lives.
For example, seeing my young grandsons can evoke loving-kindness, a sense of goodwill and generosity. If one of them gets hurt, I experience compassion, a deep caring, and a desire for them not to suffer. If the boys romp with me on the floor, my heart floods with appreciative joy, delighting in our shared happiness. And when they scream and fight with one another, I try to respond with equanimity, attempting to stay calm in the face of turmoil. So hard for me to do! A while back, I wrote a blog about a day with those same grandsons when I seem to have lost all equanimity.
By practicing loving-kindness, I can bring happiness to my grandsons without demanding anything in return. If I act on compassion, I’m able to alleviate their suffering without expecting anything in return. Appreciative joy makes all of us happy. And equanimity has the potential to bring calmness to stressful situations.
Practicing and honing the four faces of our heart can thus become a source of vitality and joy for those around us.
But here’s what I think may be the most important benefit: Cultivating them in our daily lives reduces our own suffering and expands our own joy.
You must have noticed how tentatively I wrote about the face of equanimity of my heart: “I try to respond with equanimity, attempting to stay calm in the face of turmoil.” I clearly have a long ways to go in cultivating equanimity in my life.
It is the least-developed face of my heart. Do you have thoughts about ways for me to be more successful in cultivating greater equanimity?
Trying for equanimity is also a challenge for me, but then so are some of the others. At least I don’t feel like I am where I would like to be on any of the 4, at least not for very long. It seems like a long-term ongoing process—three steps forward, two steps back or maybe worse. Clearly a lifelong opportunity for learning.
Which are is the greatest challenges for you? What have you found to be helpful in moving forward?
Your grandchildren may be an easy circumstance to find joy in any and all forms. What is your state of being when interacting with others in your life? Any more and more difficult challenges? I find myself more appreciative of my surroundings and my life – but sometimes have to be intentional to bring that experience back. Equanimity is an interesting term – perhaps a standard too high for most of us, most of the time when the turmoil is real and around issues that are central. Letting go of the bad may mean checking out – not healthy from my perspective.
Ah, what a lovely and thoughtful set of comments, Larry! Yes, absolutely, my two grandsons are the easiest circumstance for me to find joy. They love so unconditionally! It was the example that for me best exemplifies the Brahmaviharas. And even with them, my equanimity sometimes vanishes.
When you say “Letting go of the bad may mean checking out,” you are providing a nice segue into subsequent blogs this week. Thank you !!