A year ago, I wrote this as I was looking back on and taking stock of 2018:

 Frankly, I don’t know how to make sense of what’s going on in our world.
So I’m turning inward.
It’s time for me to stop reading the news, time to stop focusing on what’s happening out there, and instead redouble my intention to use this year-end as a time for deeply personal stocktaking. With every year that passes, this has become a more serious endeavor. I have only this one life to live. And each year’s personal stocktaking is just a stepping-stone to the final one at the end of it all.
 
And at the end of it all, I want to have lived a life worth living.
 
So, this year, what old inventory items are stuck in the grimy corners of my warehouse, finally needing to be thrown out? Among many others, these three stand out:
 
–       Shallow friendships that fritter away precious time and contribute very little to anybody.
 
–       Trivial distractions that prevent me from focusing on what really matters.
 
–       Petty grudges that keep me stuck in the dark place of hard-heartedness.
 
 
And what single thing stood out as especially promising in 2018, something I wish to cultivate more of in 2019?
 
I’ve started, little by little, to be more authentic with myself and with the world around me. Looking back, I recognize this as one of the most important inventory items in my 2018 warehouse. I have come to understand how much we can all grow when we engage honestly with one another.
 
I want more of that.
 
If you, dear reader, have seen the blogs I’ve written in the past year, you know things about me I would historically never have shared — with anyone. As a very young child, I learned how dangerous it was to be vulnerable. I mean, really dangerous.
 
The authentic me that I spent most of a lifetime hiding from the world, has begun to emerge.
Now, at the end of 2018, I find myself on what feels like the edge of a cliff.
 
And there’s no turning back.

This year, as I watch the waves crashing around me on the breath-taking Oregon coast, where Ed and I are ringing out the old year, I again take stock. I see where I have achieved what I set out to do, and where I’m still falling short. I have let go of shallow friendships and other distractions that prevent me from growing and learning; but sadly, there are still grudges I too readily hold onto, which most certainly block my growth. I re-commit to doubling down on that intention in 2020.

Mostly, what I want to say to you at the end of 2019, is that I feel blessed to have walked this path with so many of you. Thank you for your comments, your challenging questions, and for sharing yourselves authentically.

And best of all, we are still together on this journey, and I’m grateful!