This week, I’ve explored the reasons we hide parts of ourselves from others, and the consequences of doing so.

One of the most brilliant models for exploring what parts of ourselves we hide from others and from ourselves, is the Johari Window, developed by American psychologists Joseph Luft and Harry Ingham in 1955.

The Johari window model is based on what’s known/unknown to self and what’s known/unknown to others about us.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In the Open Self, I am aware of these parts of myself and reveal them easily to others. For example, it’s no secret that I love languages and speak 5 of them fluently–Low German, High German, Spanish, English and French. This quadrant is like an open book.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In the Blind Self, others know these parts of me, but I am unaware of them. Naturally it’s hard for me to provide accurate examples here because I’m in my blind spot. My friends and family could probably tell tales about me that fit here and may do so behind my back. They may whisper things like she’s pushy, she’s insecure, she thinks she is a magician in the kitchen but most of us don’t like her cooking! Why don’t they tell me? Probably because they think I don’t want to hear it from them, that I would be hurt or get angry, and that it would harm our relationship. Learning about how others really see us can be shocking. Reaching out for this information requires a serious commitment to growth and probably some professional help, not just a few casual conversations with friends.

 

 

 

 

 

 

In the Hidden Self, I’m aware of these parts of myself, but I keep them hidden from others. This is the quadrant I wrote about this week. These are the parts of myself that I’m not proud of. Being sexually violated as a young teenager and then being humiliated and punished for it as if it were my sin in front of my Mennonite Church in Paraguay fits in this category. I carried too much guilt for far too long, convinced by those in charge that a much older married man violating me was my fault. I haven’t told many people about this until recent years. However, my current commitment to authenticity for the sake of my own healing and the possibility of encouraging others to more fully examine their own lives, has led me to write about it in my forthcoming book being released this summer by Mango Publishing.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In the Mystery Self, the parts of myself lie so deeply hidden within me that neither I nor others are aware of them. If I don’t know and you don’t know, how can I find out? Venturing into new environments is one way that can expose previously unknown parts of myself. As I’ve ended my career as a university professor, public speaker and consultant to the health care industry, and have begun newly as a memoirist, novelist, podcaster and blogger, I have discovered both unknown capabilities and hidden deficiencies that have allowed me to get to know myself a bit better.

 

 

 

 

 

 

At any moment we are living in one or more of these four quadrants. Spending your time in each of them has its payoffs and costs.

Where could you best invest your time right now?