My beloved Oregon coast reminds me how little control I have

Some of the areas in which I have important life goals:

Physical health.
Career success.
Marriage and family harmony.

If you ask around, most people will readily agree that these are worthwhile areas to pursue. But ask that same group of people if they’ve developed a specific plan to achieve these goals, and it is more than likely that only a small minority have taken the time and put in the work to do that. In other words, while many of us have similar desires and dreams, few of us actually take the time to make specific plans detailing how to go about achieving them.

In my prior career, I was a professor and consultant of strategic management. I guided my students and clients in developing strategies for success. It was all about planning.

Even on a personal level, I’ve known for a long time that planning my life gives me some control over it. Creating a plan allows me to make intentional choices, rather than leaving things up to chance, or worse yet, letting others make my decisions for me. When I have a plan, I’m in charge of where I’m going, and how I’m getting there.

The reason for planning is to get my life under my control.

Right?

Actually, I’m finally learning that things go much more smoothly when I give up trying to control everything and everybody around me—allowing things to unfold naturally instead of trying to force them.

Linda Atwell, this week’s guest on my podcast, shares her heart-rending and inspiring story about learning to let go of control. She tells us of her experiences as a young mother of a beautiful, healthy sixteen-month-old daughter Lindsey, who suddenly develops seizures and loses consciousness, ultimately leading to a lifetime of special needs.

Linda’s first instinct is to try to control the situation, believing that if she works at this hard enough, she will overcome the disability.

What parent would not?

But here’s the hard-earned lesson she reveals: “I think that life is a process. I think when you’re handed a child with special needs, reaching acceptance is a really long process…
Sometimes even though we’re told to keep our eye on the prize (read: control), sometimes you need to turn around and look behind you and see how far you’ve come and how beautiful the journey has been. Even if it’s been tough, it’s still a beautiful journey.”

My take on this?

I believe that although some things are clearly not within my control, there’s a danger in leaning too far toward a life of simply letting everything go. That path leads to the trap of living irresponsibly and not achieving what is within my potential to make this world a better place for myself and others.

So, I must define and live by a clear life purpose and goals. At the same time, I must be prepared to change directions, to face whatever may come my way when the inevitable unexpected happens.