The pool in our community in Tucson
Despite the fact that my emotional health and physical well-being seemingly depend on focusing on goodness and gratitude, I am surrounded by opportunities to see the darker sides of life.
So I have a choice to make over and over again.
Ed and I just finished our meditative tai chi practice at the beautifully-maintained pool/hot tub complex in our Tucson community. The breeze whispered through the tall palm trees above us. It felt like we were at a resort…but no – we actually live here.
Is everything in my life perfect? Certainly not.
But I can control where I focus my attention.
I could go out on my back patio and gaze at the stunning Santa Catalina mountains behind us. I might notice the majestic palms in the distance, the orange tree in the corner of our courtyard – already laden with nearly-ripe oranges, and our water feature surrounded by six pots of bright red geraniums. Best of all, I could be out on the patio under the desert night sky full of stars, surrounded by dancing shadows cast by the soft lights we installed under our bushes.
Alternatively, I could notice that there is a leak in the water feature, that the siding along the edge of our roof needs to be replaced, and that we have a useless fire pit taking up space in the middle of the patio. And then there are the cracks in our bedroom, hall and garage ceilings that need to be repaired. The list of needed repairs seems endless.
Does it really matter where I focus?
A recent Harvard Medical School publication says that focusing on things I can be grateful for and acknowledging the goodness in my life are consistently associated with greater happiness.
Similarly, a 2015 article in Psychology Today states that gratitude is associated with several scientifically proven benefits including improved physical and psychological health, self-esteem, and better sleep.
We all have to make these choices.
For example, the Thanksgiving holiday looms before us. I say looms because of the controversies surrounding it. Is it a special, beloved holiday for eating turkey and spending time with friends and family, or is it a self-indulgent feast celebrating the conquest of native Americans by colonists? In a recent Washington Post article, Valerie Strauss offers us a choice about whether Thanksgiving is a reminder of an early heartwarming multi-cultural celebration or the cruel remembrance of European colonization.
How can I focus on goodness and gratitude in the midst of my personal challenges, historical controversies, and the ongoing political storm confronting us on a daily basis?
I do take seriously the challenges and controversies around me. They remind me that I’m blessed to live in a nation where alternative and seemingly mutually-exclusive perspectives can exist side-by-side and be openly argued.
But I admit that sometimes it all feels like too much evil and darkness around me. When that begins to pull me down, I find my way back to gratitude with these three practices:
1. Retreating from the chaos. For me, this means temporarily refraining from reading the news or engaging in debates about current social and political issues.
2. Becoming still. This entails retreating from the chatter in my own mind, beginning by simply becoming aware that it’s there.
3. Finding my center. Our daily practice of tai chi is a moving meditation, which helps me find the true core within me, where gratitude resides, no matter what’s happening around me.
Oh, and speaking of gratitude…I’m especially grateful that Ed and I can follow our chosen tradition of eating the food we love in an Indian restaurant this Thanksgiving, rather than having to comply with the turkey tradition.
I’m already looking forward to our Indian dinner. Hope the rest of you find your turkey and stuffing as enticing.
🙂
Yes, gratitude hourly through the day and night “for all that is our lives.” I try to live and breathe this. For health and wealth and family and friends and peace and beauty and love. I am aware that I am blessed and privileged. However, I can’t revel in my good fortune without being also aware of the sorrows of others—my good friend and neighbor with a rare difficult cancer, those without basics of food and safe shelter, those who labor for little income to say nothing of wars. . . .truly the dark side.
There we go. Easy to drift into it. And I have to guard against my critical, judgmental side as well.
Back to breathe and gratitude. Have a lovely holiday season.
Great reminder, Pat! My judgments will destroy gratitude more quickly than just about anything else!!
I needed to hear this today. Thank you and may you both be blessed and enjoy your Thanksgiving meal !
Thank you, Karen! And you as well.
I find that gratitude is easier as I get older. It started getting easier in my 50s and continues in my 60s. I wonder if anyone else has had this experience?
That said, I do find the chaos in the news problematic and like you, Marlena, I have to take breaks. Lots of breaks!!
Great question, Pam. I think I was often too busy to stop and reflect on the goodness in my life in my earlier years. The other side of this, however, is that as I get older and creakier, there are more temptations to wallow in sadness about what’s no longer working as it did…reminders to make the choice, again and again, to be grateful.
I’m curious about how others have experienced this.
What a perfect post. Thank you. I read it while, I hope, coming to the close of a move to two new places (with all the leaking discoveries that includes), selling a house and a boat; far too many things to keep track of. Yes, stopping to focus on goodness and gratitude — both new places are lovely, the house and boat will bring great joy to the new owners, the leaks were there and can be there a bit longer — are the path to health and happiness.
Thank you, Terri. You are an inspiration (actually, you have been for a long time).
I’ve discovered that my well-being is enhanced when I remind myself to do ONE thing at a time & that keeping my exercise time sacrosanct. as well as time for fly-fishing, makes a big difference. Moreover, I’ve found that NOT listening to the news in the mornings, but instead listening to our great local classical station (www.theclassicalstation.org), gets my day off to a much better start. Like Terri, we’ve now got 2 houses to deal with — our current house, which we need to get in shape to sell, and our new house that will be finished in the early months of 2021 (!) — and staying focused & keeping calm is always a challenge. So, every night, before going to bed, I get our my mat, hit the floor, and just chill for 20 minutes or so. After that, I’m asleep within minutes of my head hitting the pillow!
Ah, exercise, fly-fishing and chilling – wonderful keys to joy and well-being. I am grateful for you, my friend!