As I close the book on 2018, I see many year-end reviews.

I’ve read that 2018 was the year for hearts — at least on Instagram. Instagram recently reported that the heart emoji was used more than 14 million times on the platform, and claimed that the prevalence of those heart emojis shows users prioritizing love and kindness.

This doesn’t feel to me like a world that prioritizes love and kindness.

#MeToo was shared around 1.5 million times as the most popular advocacy hashtag of the year.

But how much progress have we really made?

AARP reported that 64 percent of Americans say our country is headed in the wrong direction, and 62 percent are fearful about our future.

Where does fear typically lead?

And what do we fundamentally fear? According to Public Policy Polling, we’re so divided as a country that we are split down the middle about which is scarier: sharks (43 percent) or President Trump (42 percent).

Really?

But listen to this one: As a country, we stand united around TV bingeing (75 percent of us routinely watch three or more episodes of a show in a single sitting (Deloitte)) and smartphone obsession (88 percent of us routinely check our phones even when on vacation (Asurion/OnePoll)).

Oh, now those are noble passions to be united around! We can all stand proud, together as one.

That’s the sort of year-in-review stocktaking we tend to do when one chapter ends and another begins, right?

In business, stocktaking or “inventory checking” is the process of verifying the quantity and condition of items held in inventory at the end of a business cycle. This may be done to provide an audit of existing stock. It’s also done to evaluate how the business performed over the course of the time period. What sold well and what stayed stuck in the dusty recesses of the warehouse?

Frankly, I don’t know how to make sense of what’s going on in our world. So I’m turning inward.

It’s time for me to stop reading the news, time to stop focusing on what’s happening out there, and instead redouble my intention to use this year-end as a time for deeply personal stocktaking. With every year that passes, this has become a more serious endeavor. I have only this one life to live. And each year’s personal stocktaking is just a stepping-stone to the final one at the end of it all.

And at the end of it all, I want to have lived a life worth living.

So this year, what old inventory items are stuck in the grimy corners of my warehouse, finally needing to be thrown out? Among many others, these three stand out:

Shallow friendships that fritter away precious time and contribute very little to anybody.
Trivial distractions that prevent me from focusing on what really matters.
Petty grudges that keep me stuck in the dark place of hard-heartedness.

And what single thing stood out as especially promising in 2018, something I wish to cultivate more of in 2019?

I’ve started, little by little, to be more authentic with myself and with the world around me. Looking back, I recognize this as one of the most important inventory items in my 2018 warehouse. I have come to understand how much we can all grow when we engage honestly with one another.

I want more of that.

If you, dear reader, have seen the blogs I’ve written in the past year, you know things about me I would historically never have shared — with anyone. As a very young child, I learned how dangerous it was to be vulnerable. I mean, really dangerous.

The authentic me that I spent most of a lifetime hiding from the world, has begun to emerge. Now, at the end of 2018, I find myself on what feels like the edge of a cliff.

And there’s no turning back.