Earlier this week (click here), I explored the notion that, according to Buddhist philosophy, our heart has four faces, each one reflecting a different kind of unselfish love.
Not surprisingly, each face has a direct enemy, a polar opposite that unambiguously works against the development of the positive states:
The direct enemies of each face are:
1. Loving-kindness –> Ill will
2. Compassion –> Cruelty
3. Appreciative joy –> Envy
4. Equanimity –> Volatility due to greed or revulsion
In Buddhist teachings, these are called the “far enemies,” relatively easy to identify because they are absolute opposites of the four types of love. Before I can begin to develop and practice unselfish love, I must get rid of all traces of these far enemies.
We all recognize ill will when we see it, even and maybe especially within ourselves, such as when I treat another with disrespect. I reflect the enemy of compassion when I knowingly hurt someone with acts of cruelty. And I kill the possibility of appreciative joy when I envy the good fortune of another.
Whenever I experience each of these three enemies of the heart, I wince with embarrassment and shame. Absolutely. But I have learned how to ask forgiveness and rectify some of those behaviors, temporarily restoring those faces of my heart. I may have to forgive and rectify over and over again, but I have some understanding of the path toward healing.
And then there’s the far enemy of the fourth face of the heart, equanimity. I shared with you a few days ago that equanimity is the least developed face of my heart. Even when I’m in the presence of my young grandsons, the most extreme context of unconditional love for me, I find myself reeling from ecstasy to misery, depending on what’s happening around me. I seem hopelessly attached to things going well, from my perspective, and I become upset when they don’t.
Sometimes I think my deficient heart has only three faces that are on the path to becoming healthier. But in my saner moments, I know that recognizing the most broken parts of myself is the first big step toward healing them.
Which face of your heart is most deficient and how does that show up for you?
My weakest heart spot is probable Appreciative Joy. As somebody who has spent his life from grade school on just trying to prove he is good enough or maybe even a little bit better, I have regularly be subject to the weakness of envy about what others have, what they can do, or who they seem to be from my perspective.
As I have become more and more aware of this flaw in my personality, it has become a bit easier to manage.
Which face of your heart is most deficient and what have you begun to manage that situation more successful?