I roll over and stare at the alarm clock on our bedside table.  4:30.  Groaning into my pillow, I try unsuccessfully to drown the heavy snoring of my sick-with-a-cold husband who lies next to me.

Finally I give up on sleep and slide off my side of the bed. I throw on a robe that hangs behind the door.

“What’s wrong? Why are you getting up?” Ed asks sleepily, yawning.

“If you wouldn’t snore so loud, I might be able to get some sleep,” I snap.

Hours later, I’m curled up on the living room couch, pouting, when Ed stomps into the room.

“Don’t blame me for your insomnia.” He’s almost shouting. I hold both hands over my ears.

The clock on our wall strikes 7:00, time for our daily tai chi practice.  Our morning ritual after warm up exercises is to run through various forms of tai chi, including Sun 73 and Yang 24.

Unenthusiastically, I pull on my tai chi pants and shirt and make my way to my iPhone to plug in the music.

The first chords of our tai chi music float through the room.  As Ed and I bring our arms up slowly in unison, that familiar warm, heavy feeling rises below my belly button and the ice between us begins to melt.

By the time we’re waving hands to the left in a form called Tai Chi for Energy, I feel the thread of energy that connects us. An invisible chord between us gently pulls our slow and continuous physical movements into alignment, bringing with it emotional and psychological resonance.

Some of you may already know that practicing tai chi helps to improve balance and stability in older people and in those with Parkinson’s disease, it reduces back pain and pain from knee osteoarthritis, and it improves the quality of life in people with heart disease, cancer, and other chronic illnesses.  The list goes on and on: it may enhance the immune system, help lower blood pressure, improve joint pain, and improve symptoms of congestive heart failure.

We have heard less about the benefits of tai chi for couples practicing together.

Let’s face it, couples get out of alignment. We all lead busy lives. There are many distractions. We likely have different priorities and different perspectives on important issues. And one of us might occasionally snore!

When you’re out of alignment, practicing tai chi as a couple provides a great way for you and your partner to reconnect with one another. Based on our experience, daily practice with your partner can greatly increase your chances of having meaningful conversations and intimate connection. Being in resonance allows couples to be together mindfully and lovingly.

Of course, practicing with a partner also helps you understand movements more deeply by mirroring or coordinating with your moves. It also builds up your accountability by helping you persevere when you’re feeling too lazy or too despondent to practice.

The single most important benefit of tai chi for Ed and me, however, is that it brings our breathing and our movements into alignment and allows us to become receptive and responsive to the subtle cues we’re receiving from our partner, relieving tensions when they arise, and deepening the bonds that unite us.

By the time we move backwards for Repulse Monkey in Yang 24, tears make their way down my cheeks.  Ed and I are back in alignment.

When tensions arise between you and a loved one, how do you reconnect with one another?  In your experience, what has worked particularly well?


Originally published in Dr. Paul Lam’s Tai Chi for Health Institute Newsletter, Issue Number 184, December 2016

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